Questions

I really like "Glow in the Woods". It's turning out to be a very healing site. Reading the posts on there, really get me thinking. I'm not a very good writer... especially when it comes to feelings. I've always been more of a "bottle-it-up-and-just-deal-with-it" kinda person. I hate to have just a copy/paste post... but this is the best way I know to start writing. I'm starting off with small bits and pieces, by reading and responding to other stories. Who knows, maybe one day I'll get to a point of being able to really "bear my soul". Right now, I just can't... not all at one time. This is as good as it gets for now.

Here's the post...
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2011/6/30/the-smallest-jar.html?lastPage=true#comment14961032

Here's my reply...
I'm a little late to this posting but I'm new. I wanted to join in... especially after getting the following question asked today. (I lost my son, Nathan, at 4 months gestation. I was induced and delivered him on July 21, 2011. I've been back to work less than 2 weeks now.) My mom had a memorial shirt made, for me, with my son's name on it. A lady at work said, "Oh, I love your shirt! It's so pretty... what does it say? (pause while she reads the poem) Whose name is that?" I said, "It's my son's name." She looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "Oh, you named him?" In my mind, I was like 'Um, yeah... why wouldn't I?' My supervisor happened to walk up, so I didn't answer her... I just walked off. It bothered me. It hurt. It pissed me off. It made me sad to think that the only person who thinks my son's life mattered is me... or at least that's how I feel. I wonder if she would've asked me that if I'd carried him full-term and he died? I really hate the image people have of miscarriage... like it's just a procedure or something that happened.

Another question I hate... Are you going to try again? Ugh... I HATE this one! My son's been gone less than 2 months. Really, you feel the need to ask me that?!?!?! It took me 5 years and a fertility specialist to get pregnant with my first son and 3 years to get pregnant with Nathan. I've had a constant supply of negative pregnancy tests, over the years, to remind me of how infertile I am. Now, I get to be reminded that I have a dead child also. Apparently, one that people feel will be replaced by having another one. I failed at carrying him... so I guess they think I need to try again?!?! As I was told by another co-worker, "Maybe, the next one will work out." Yeah, its like trying on a dress. This one didn't fit... maybe the next one will."

I'm starting to think I'm surrounded by stupid people. :-(