Post-Op, Part Two

I just read over my last post and noticed I didn't even mention it... "the date". I honestly didn't remember or think about it that day. I don't know whether I'm just getting "used" to the lack of change in the date (as in nothing is going to change or be different) or if it was the drugs (post-surgery)... but Saturday marked 9 months since Nathan was born. I thought about it in the days leading up and again today... but on the actual day, it didn't even register. 9 months... that number seems so significant for some reason. I guess because it's the number of months a woman carries a pregnancy, on average. I guess, technically, I could be getting ready to give birth again. Not sure how that makes me feel. Today, I'm just so "blah" about everything. (Maybe it's the drugs. LOL)

I'm recovering well, I think. I'm still swollen a bit but hopefully it will go away in a few more days. I got into my jeans today, they're just really snug. The gas pain was HORRIBLE up until yesterday. They said it was from the air used to blow up my stomach... that it gets trapped in the body. I felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest, back/shoulders and ribs every time I moved. It hurt far worse than my stomach. Of course, now that that pain has pretty much gone away... I actually feel my stomach pain. I thought I had started my period but I'm not sure. I was due for my period 2 days after surgery. I was bleeding lightly after surgery, which I was told was normal because of the type of surgery. The day before my period was due, the bleeding got heavier but it hasn't turned into a "full-blown flow" so I'm not sure. The last two days have been light to medium flow. (Sorry if that's TMI.)

I remember very little from my surgery. I remember the OR nurses talking as they were beginning my IV to "relax" me. Apparently, one was pregnant with baby #2. She was talking about how fragile her husband treated her during her first pregnancy and that she wanted to be treated like that again. She missed him "wining and dining" her during pregnancy. I had a fleeting moment of wanting to tell her to treasure her pregnancy, not to take it for granted. But... I didn't. I held my tongue. For the first time, I didn't feel "bad" about suppressing the need sharing Nathan. It felt like the right thing to do. I guess not everyone needs to know or hear about him. I think I'm slowly transitioning from wanting to tell everyone about him... to choosing who I trust and care enough about and want to share him with.

I remember bits and pieces of waking up from the anesthesia. I remembered the nurse asking me if I was in pain. I remembered hearing something about a baby and then the nurse asking me something about Cameron. I remembered mom sneezing in the car, on the way home. And that is pretty much it... I don't even remember how I got in the car or home. I just woke up in bed, at home.

Mom said I was trying to wake up and the nurse asked mom who would be home with me. She said, "Her husband and baby." (She still calls Cameron my baby.) I guess this must be the part where I remember hearing about a baby. Mom said I half woke up and started looking around and said, "I had a baby? Where's my baby?" Then the nurse told me that I didn't have a baby. Mom said I started crying but she got me to calm down and the nurse was asking me about Cameron, how old he was, etc. She said I dozed back off and the she explained to the nurse that I had just lost a baby almost 9 months ago. I don't remember that but mom said it broke her heart because she knew where my mind was going.

The surgery went okay, I guess. I haven't spoke to my OB yet... and trying to get mom to decipher what was said is a lost cause. LOL. My 2-week post op is scheduled for May 2nd. Mom did say that he said the damage was more than he thought it was going to be. She said he took pictures and would explain them and give me copies at my post-op. Apparently, my tube wasn't just behind my ovary and against the wall... it was wrapped around my ovary. Ouch... no wonder my ovulations have been so painful. She said he was able to get all the polyps and sent them for analysis.

I'm relaxing at home this week since my OB wrote me out of work until Thursday. He doesn't want me lifting anything over 10-15lbs for the first week. I'm secretly glad because I still feel like crap and can't imagine having to go to work today.