The World Around Us

(This is a draft that I noticed I had never published. It was written on May 10, 2012.)

I've been thinking, today, about how complex, confusing and diverse the world is. (It's not just about the gay marriage issue... I've been a part of conversations of other topics this week that have sparked this.) Some days, I have to wonder... what is my purpose? How can I make a difference? How can I make the world a better place? What can I do that, years from now, will make my son proud of me? What can I do that will inspire him to want to change or embrace the world around him? It just seems overwhelming and completely pointless some days. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to just go with the flow and let the crowd lead me. But... that's just not me. For some reason, my heart just keeps telling me to fight for the underdog. I'll admit though... sometimes I do get sucked in. I find myself nodding in agreement with the "majority" and then I have to take a step back and say, "What the heck?!?!" We are human and we all sin, either by action or with thought. The great thing is we can all change. Just because I was taught or I believe one thing today... doesn't mean that someone else can't challenge my thinking or inspire a change in me tomorrow. Think about it... what the world would be like if there had never been protesting for women's rights, for African Americans or people with mental/physical disabilities and on and on. Can you even imagine what kind of world we would be living in today? My heart goes out to the people who feel like an outcast or a nobody because they don't fit the pattern of "normal" whether it be because of their race, sexual orientation, religion, size, mental/physical ability... whatever. Tonight, as I sit here... I'm thinking of the families of children with special needs and how they have to fight to protect the rights of their children. I think of the strength it must take for them to ignore the stares and comments. I beam with pride when I see a parent hold their head up high when people stare at or make rude comments about their child. I have to fight the urge to raise my fist and say, "You and your child rock! Keep on keepin' on... one day at a time!!" ;-) They are shining examples of a parent's love. They don't want our pity. They want and deserve our respect, compassion and support. I'm thinking of the gay couple who was in a committed relationship for 40+ years and never allowed to get married. I can't imagine spending my life with someone and not being allowed into the emergency room to comfort them... simply because I'm not a "legal" family member. (#7 & 8: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/steps-to-help-you-evolve-your-views-on-gay-marriag) I'm thinking of the families who grieve for their lost babies but who are perceived or labeled as morbid, obsessive pity seekers. People are often disturbed or bother by pictures of their baby... instead of taking the time to see them for the tiny, amazing miracles that they are. They are told to "get over it" or "to move on"... which only serves to minimize their grief. I'm thinking of the innocent children who will grow up being taught to hate or "shun" people simply because they are different. It's a shame we can't all stay innocent like children. Hate and discrimination are taught... it is a learned behavior. We need to think about our actions and our thoughts. Our children are watching and learning from us. What do we want to teach the next generation? Just a thought...

Good Day

Today was actually a really good day. (I never thought I'd ever type those words again!!) Well, I guess yesterday... since it's after midnight here. I'm so very thankful for it! It was nice to be able to just get through the day... smile, laugh and carry on like a "normal" person. Even in the moments when Nathan crossed my mind, it wasn't really sad. It was more like a mini-smile in my mind... like a tender, private moment that I was able to experience, then tuck into my heart and go on. (Does that make sense?) I miss him so very much and I really wonder what life would be like if he were here. (He would be 2 weeks and 3 days old today, if he'd made it to his scheduled c-section date.) Of course, who knows what emotions tomorrow will bring. Today, though... I'm grateful for a break from the grief. ♥♥♥